Its three weeks since i left indonesia and i’m facing challenging times here back home. I am not afraid of the problems but i do not know the solutions to them. Living with the problems is much worse but the only way out is to slowly dimish the magnitude of the problem continuosly till its magnitude becomes zero and come out. I listed out the challenges so that i can find some consolation and better ways to resolve them.
- My mom is suffering from hallucination which is beyond her reach to understand. – I am able to counter this if i spend time with her but unfortunately i am in a day job. Yet to find a permanent solution.
- I cannot travel now – Just migrated to home country, i have to setup a lot of things, basicaly home itself. I love traveling and cannot travel for few months. It is temporary but anxiety builds up and disturbs peace of mind.
- Insufficient and insecure space at home – This may seem a silly problem but is not. My own kin and kith are looting from my home, exploiting my mothers condition. So i cannot keep anything in the open. Even my laptop went missing from home.
- Time for exercise – Firstly as i have to spend more time with mom, she feeds me more food affectionately which i cannot refuse. Secondly i left my bicycle at indonesia.
- My job – I am a multi passionate person. So not allocating time for my passions stirs my heart continuously. My day job wastes most of my precious time. I can easily find another job but i think i must go the enterpreneurial way. again mom’s situation holds me back.
So each problem resonates and magnifies the other. I iknow i can overcome them but i want to overcome them at the earliest so that i can resume living my dreams. I have already fulfilled many. Life is not an one-time-experience of joy and sorrow but a continuous experiential thing to be lived.
People who only exist in this world will not even consider these as problems because they dont live, they cannot empathise with people who live life. So many people around me only exist thats why i am not able to share or explain to them.
And many people are single passioned or does not have any passion at all and i am multi-passioned and so not able to spend sufficient time for my passions.
I dont like to get a loan. May be it is time to change my philosophy.
Hope these challenging times soon fade away like autumn leaves and bring the best in me.
