Last week i attempted a 600 km brevet cycling. I quit at 515 km due to mind games. That guilty feeling is still there. I have to use remorse as fuel and move on. I was not even tired when i quit. I had sufficient time to complete. My cycle was not damaged and i was at the forefront. I am still not able to justify why i chose to quit. Me and my co-rider felt sleepy. We rested for a while and then mind games begin to play. We talked into cheating, quitting etc., but the never talked about taking rest and starting again. These words perpetuated in to our minds and we lost our mission to achieve super randoneur title.
90 kms away our friends were waiting at finish point, hoping we would complete and celebrate with us. All crashed because of our momentary and sudden decision to quit the brevet and transport our cycles. Had we rested some more time, we would have been in our senses and completed the ride. The moment of celebration was within our reach and yet we chose to not try is more painful to think.
Had we tried and failed, we would not be feeling this bad. I have to endure all this and come up strong to complete my dream. Till then i will keep analysing and improving myself. My focus will be on completing this brevet as soon as possible. To compete again we would have to wait for three months due to the ongoing social isolation request from various governments to avoid corona virus infection and spread and as responsible citizens we have to abide by it. The long wait is going to torment us for sure. We have to move on and continue our practice which we are doing diligently.
My advice to all future randonneurs is that don’t give time for mind games to play. Keep moving forward. Plan well for your sleep. Go at your own pace. Do not match with others. They may endure sleep and you may not. Keep moving if you are a fast rider. To not feel guilty later always remember and keep saying ” Failure is not a crime but lack of effort is”